Listening first
When a friend tells you about their day, you put your toy down, look at them, and say back what you heard: "So your dog ran away and you found him?" That's how they know you really listened.
- Active listening means giving full attention, trying to understand the speaker's meaning and feelings, and showing you understood. The term was popularised by psychologists Carl Rogers and Richard Farson.
- Simple active-listening tools:
- Attention: put the phone away, face the person.
- Paraphrase: "So what you're saying is..."
- Name the feeling: "That sounds really frustrating."
- Ask open questions: "What happened next?" "What would help?"
- Summarise before you respond: "Let me check I got this right..."
- Listening to understand is different from listening to reply. You can understand someone without agreeing with them.
- Choose a calm moment and put your phone away.
- Face the person and give full attention.
- Let them finish. Do not interrupt.
- Paraphrase: So what you're saying is...
- Name the feeling: That sounds really frustrating.
- Ask an open question: What would help?
- Summarise: Let me check I got this right...
- Check: the other person says yes, that's it. You understood them, even if you do not agree.
Videos by other creators on YouTube, for reference. They are not made by or affiliated with The Future Market.
Read the video script
[Host] "Most people don't listen to understand. They listen to reply."
[Screen: two people talking, one on phone] "Step one: put the phone down. Your attention is the message."
[Text on screen: "So what you're saying is..."] "Step two: say back what you heard, in your own words."
[Host] "When people feel heard, they calm down. And then you can actually solve the problem."
In your next three conversations, paraphrase what the other person said at least once before giving your own view. Write down how they reacted.
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I'm learning "Communication & Conflict" on The Future Market. Lesson 1: "Listening first". What the lesson teaches: - Active listening means giving full attention, trying to understand the speaker's meaning and feelings, and showing you understood. The term was popularised by psychologists Carl Rogers and Richard Farson. - Simple active-listening tools: - Attention: put the phone away, face the person. - Paraphrase: "So what you're saying is..." - Name the feeling: "That sounds really frustrating." - Ask open questions: "What happened next?" "What would help?" - Summarise before you respond: "Let me check I got this right..." The exercise I'm working on: In your next three conversations, paraphrase what the other person said at least once before giving your own view. Write down how they reacted. --- I'm stuck. Please: 1. Explain the main idea in plain, simple words with one everyday example. 2. Walk me through the exercise one small step at a time. Ask me what I've done so far before giving the next step. 3. Don't just give me the final answer. Help me do it myself, and check my work when I share it.
I'm a parent helping my child (about 8 years old) with a lesson called "Listening first" from the course "Communication & Conflict". Here's what the lesson says: When a friend tells you about their day, you put your toy down, look at them, and say back what you heard: "So your dog ran away and you found him?" That's how they know you really listened. The activity: In your next three conversations, paraphrase what the other person said at least once before giving your own view. Write down how they reacted. --- Please explain this so an 8-year-old understands: short sentences, a fun everyday example, and no hard words. Then give me 3 simple questions I can ask my child to check they understood, and a way to do the activity together, one tiny step at a time.
Say it clearly and kindly ("I" statements)
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Four habits that make conflict worse
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Five ways to handle conflict
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Interests, not positions
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Repair and follow-up
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Final project
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Quiz
What is paraphrasing in active listening?
Saying back what you heard in your own words.
What is the pattern for an "I" statement in this course?
I feel ___ about ___. I need ___.
What do Mehrabian's 7-38-55 numbers actually apply to?
Judging feelings and attitudes when words and tone send conflicting signals; not communication in general.
Name the Four Horsemen.
Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling.
What is the antidote to stonewalling?
Self-soothing: take a break of at least 20 minutes, then come back.
What two scales does the Thomas-Kilmann model use?
Assertiveness and cooperativeness.
What is the difference between a position and an interest?
A position is what someone wants; an interest is why they want it.
What three parts make a good apology?
Specific, takes responsibility, says what you'll do differently.
Final exam
This lesson is part of full access: every course and every level for one payment.
Certificate
This lesson is part of full access: every course and every level for one payment.